Coming out to your family

30 August 2007- Telling your family that you are gay can be the biggest hurdle of all. There are many gay men who lead gay lifestyle and have boyfriends often for year and years- and yet are not out to their families. Because of all the covering up they have to do, they lead a double life that can be mentally and physically exhausting. For a start, there is a problem of avoiding questions regarding girlfriends and marriage.
Its natural to worry about the disappointment your parents may feel, or that your mum and dad will be so upset they will never want to see you again. In many minority communities especially, with their strong emphasis on family tradition and marriage, coming out is particularly difficult.

It carries the risk of being excluded from the whole community. Some gay men start by telling brother or sister and then gauge their reaction. How far you go is a personal choice and one you will make only when you are ready. If you decide to tell your family then aim to break the news to them as compassionate way and be prepared for the questions that will follow. You may have a good idea of how your family will react but all families take the news differently.

Your family will need to digest the knowledge that you are gay. Overtime, many do learn to accept. But how long this takes differs, and it is a fact that some never do. For many gay men, the knowledge that they are now being honest about their sexuality and the relief that comes from being able  to stop pretending to be someone they are outweighs the pain and anguish that their announcement may cause.

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