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A mother forced to choose between her life or her
children's
My name is Arginess and I’m 34 years old, my husband
is 38 years old and we have 5 children 3 boys and 2 girls. This might
sound like its fun to talk about it; out here we say the bearer only feels
pain. I work as a nurse in a hospital and it’s not that easy for me
neither to do all the work nor to stop because I’m the only one that
works.
As an African woman most work that is for you comes from
the kitchen and raising children, while a man will do anything they like
outside the house and later in the day he brings food on the table. But in
my case that different and looking at Africa now a lot has changed but is
that change in the whole country or its just in the city? In my country
you can not say change is everywhere no, we don’t live in the capital
but still the town that we live in is not that backward it’s the law
that has never changed.
I have been HIV since 1999, and I got that from my
husband, well its alright for African men to go and commit adultery not
for a woman, if a woman did that, it would be the end of the marriage and
you would be regarded as a hopeless woman in the town, that’s how come I
know that I got it from my husband. At one point my husband liked to drink
and slept out as his wife I could not do much about that we all just went
along with him together with the children.
My husband got infected in the late 1997 according to
what he told me, and in 2000 he fell sick, it was had for all of us, it
forced me to look for a job as a cleaner in the hospital and I got it,
that’s how I have gone on providing for the family, in 2001 there were rumours
about my husband being HIV and that did not surprise me, because he was
the talk of the town when he worked and had chance to pick up all the
young good looking girls, that time I had to go for more test just to see
how fast I was finishing, I was told that my cd4 was low and now I had to
start medication, but how?
Medication out here in Malawi is expensive and for one
to afford the treatment you must not even have a family to look after you
become a baby yourself and that’s not easy for an African woman to cope
with, but now I do admire those women that are able to speak on our behalf
in developed countries because they know what its like being an African
woman. As for me I have now come to make a very difficult decision, due to
the drugs being expensive I have to start the medication, that’s just
for me not my Husband, but what can one say, he’s not worth living due
to the medication expenditure but he’s still worth for me and the
children.
Coming to understand how this illness is finishing every
generation in Africa its sad, its written every where that use condoms but
for an African woman to tell her husband is insane, I will never support
that even if I live with the virus, Africa need huge change, its not only
about poverty it’s about education too, this country was colonized by
the uk, I will not blame the western no but us out here, we never even
talk about sex openly with our children, thus how come the mentality of
the young generation have a saying they want flesh to flesh, its all about
luck of being tout in the house by the parents.
Having had decided about who should start taking
medication has just made me realize that I had to chose who dies, well HIV
seems very easy to talk about, its pretty hard for me everyday I have to
think how much I carry with me, one time before I die I will have to
explain it to my children, but will they say I made a decision because I
wanted to provide for them? I’m not sure.
Interview by Ndanji chola
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