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HIV turned me into my own slave
01 Nov 2006- I’m a 32 year
old boy and been in this country for almost 5 years living with my
partner. I’m coming from a family that has completely rejected me for my
sexuality. I never consider myself having a family except my partner.
But here I’ am in the UK, having
lost my Career, Identity, Family and a partner. It’s been tough enough
for me to live in this country and realising that I’m unable to get all
the help I needed.
When I first came into this country,
I started dating a guy who happened to have been my partner for three
years. I loved this guy so much that I really never wanted to let go, I
did all I could just so as to make him, me and us happy in all ways.
After a while I was about to be
deported because I did not have right visa, so I was sent into a
detention centre outside London. It was hard for me to cop, I had just
started a new relationship and then my status in the country was not
good. So it was a lot of stress that I even went through in the
detention.
I was in there for about a month and
half, I know others would say that not too bad, yes its not, but its
what you go through when you are in there, the environment, the people
you talk to the way you are locked up and the way they treat you is as
the same as the ones that would be there for months and months. But
though all that I was granted live to remain.
I ask myself was it worth it to even
stay? After I got freed from the centre I went to live with my partner.
It was such a nice feeling to find this guy waiting for me and being
able to continue were we left from. We had un-protective sex from time
to time and I was open about talking about HIV, but we both did not go
for an HIV test.
Things were going on well and I
started working and I built my life with him. Just about summer time I
felt a bit sick, started to feel weak and thought maybe it was because
of my work because it was much more physical work. Back home I talked to
my partner about HIV before I went to see my doctor and he said to me I
would stand by your side no matter what they would find, but then I told
him oh no there is nothing to worry about it I’m negative.
That day I was too busy at work and
surprisingly my partner had made an appointment for me. When I went in
for the check up, my doctor said there was nothing wrong with me, I
still insisted that I was feeling sick then I was asked to take an HIV
test which I was very comfortable with, so I was told to go back for my
results after a week or so. Within that week I discovered so many
HIV/AIDS leaflets at home and I asked my partner, he just said they were
handed to me in the streets, but I’m not talking about 2 or 3 of them
no, they were more than 10 different including the medication leaflets.
The day came that I had to go for my
results and I was very calm I did not even think about what they would
turn out to be, all I was looking forward was they would ask me for more
test because they might not still find anything. I was in for a shock,
yeah my results turned out to be positive, I almost collapsed, but I had
to call my partner right away and told him the news.
That day I did not know what to do;
I thought how could it have been how? My partner was there with me
comforting me, I straight away asked him to have a test as well, but
then I sat and wondered I explained to him that I did have friends
around and I tried to date two guys but I was never around that much if
anything I used condoms. For me life immediately changed, that yeah I
was meant to visit my partner’s family and meeting my partner’s mum for
the first time but I had to counsel everything I was full of guilt I
could never face them.
After two day my partner came and
told me that he tested positive too, but that is when I got alarmed how
did he manage to get his results in two days? But I never wanted to
dwell so much on that because I was now thinking how our future would be
like living with the virus. My partner was very calm, I asked him if at
all he was promiscuous in his past life he said no he was not. So I then
realised that I infected him, so how did I get the virus that was now
what I had to work on.
Within 6 months I started my
medication, and that was really bad because my body system reacted to
the medication so I stated missing out on work, eventually I stopped
work so as to get a bit used to the medication. My partner said to me he
would never be on the treatment because he was seeing how I was reacting
to it, so I said it’s a huge choice you have to make to start your
medication.
Within two months my partner started
telling me that his other friends knew that he was positive, I was upset
because I made it clear to him that lets know who to tell about our
status. Then I realised there was something he was not telling me, for
some reason he knew that the truth had to come out, that night we were
dressed to go out to a club, and just like before when we met, so from
nowhere he just started talking about himself.
To cut the story short I asked him
again about his past life, that’s when he admitted that he was HIV even
before he met me, this was the time we were almost going out for
clubbing, I sat down in shock, it was a year we had been together and he
mentioned nothing. I asked him why he did not tell me when we met the
first time, his answer was that everyone he told about his status did
not want to associate with him again and they never wanted to date with
him again.
It was then that I realised that I
was that victim, and it was just too much for me, detention, testing
positive to HIV, starting my medication and losing my job and now it was
the trust all this happened in a year’s time. I fell into depression, I
started seeing a counsellor, tried to commit suicide on two occasions.
I never left him I now started to
deal with the whole situations trying to understand him, trying
everything I could do to feel we an work out with help from support
groups or so, but along the line the month after he told me that his
family and his friends knew he was HIV, and he had been on HIV treatment
before for 6 months, I don’t know why I’m even still alive to day to
even talk about this, it’s the help that I need.
My life completely got shattered,
lets not forget that in each and every relationship there are ups and
downs, misunderstandings etc, I had that too to look out for, but having
had some problems my partner ended up telling me that it was my fault
that I got infected because I never asked him to use protection, and
that I was not good enough for him anymore.
I later went back to work because I
needed to contribute to the society but I still ended up absconding at
times, so I was now this person that cleaned for my partner, cooked,
paid the bills, and love him to the way he wanted. Talk about being a
slave for someone, I lay there like broccoli, he fucked me the way he
wanted, he never even gave me that chance that I wanted to take some
time to just reflect no, he introduced me to recreational drugs, I don’t
get me wrongly this guy was nice at times, but he never asked me how I
felt but he now took advantage of me because I knew he was positive and
there was nothing he needed to tell me anymore.
I have now known how to have hate
inside me, I have lost most of my friends because he never liked me
going out to see friends, before I went to see my friends when I had a
chance, he would check me, see what under wears I was wearing, asked me
why I was shaving, why I really looked nice if I was just meeting a
friend, wanted to also know how long I was staying, if I came back home
half an hour late and did not inform him then he would say I was fucking
around, I became a prisoner in my place, If I met guys that I would try
to make friends with on the net, and he found out that’s day he would
talk and said all sorts it would be like a crime.
He has blamed me for all sorts of
things but all these 3 years I have been with him I have managed to meet
his family, I have had a good relation with the especially his mum, I
have even gone to see his mum on my own just to have a different
environment, so initially I have only been with him for 2 years the
first year was based on lies and I never count it but they were moments
in that year that were good one thing I will never understand about
those good moments is that were they there because he knew he was not
honest.
I have now gotten brave enough to go
out there and seek help but all the process I’m told that it would take
long if I wanted to press charges against him. All this has put me off.
But I would like to know what justice this country is doing over cases
like mine. Whatever I feel for him, its not hate, it’s the next person
after me, what can I do to stop it from happening to another person? I
have reached a point where I know my life is all wasted.
I can’t take law into my own hands, all I ask is that, is there anyone
that can help me with my case? I had all these things done to me yet I
still managed to stay and love him more and more and invested in him.
I’m a person that’s go no issues with sexuality, race, or religion, but
if I look at what I have gone through, is the same as being a slave, I’m
forced to rim him because if I don’t he tells me I m boring in bed, but
this is a guy that has genital warts, the next day I went to see my
doctor because I did not even know what warts were? Where he got them
from I have no clue.
I know some people would find
reading this disgusting but that’s what happens in other relationships
especially mine, I’m sure it’s not just me alone there are others out
there that face the same thing. I don’t think I would ever find anyone
that would love me again and if it so happens, what next, Oh sorry I’m
HIV?
That’s how much I have closed myself
inside me. I have given this report to Africanveil because I came across
more of African issues on the website.
Please note that the name of the
person in this report has been with-held.
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